Eight conversation habits that can signal low emotional intelligence
A widely shared psychology essay is prompting renewed discussion about what it actually means to be a “good communicator.” The piece, written by Sarah Mitchell and dated Jan. 25, 2026, argues that many people who dominate conversations often rate themselves highly—while overlooking behaviors that can signal Emotional Intelligence gaps.
Drawing on the author’s interviews with more than 200 people across workplaces and personal relationships, the article frames a central claim: some of the most talkative participants in conversations may be confusing verbal output with real connection. The author describes a personal turning point after a friend criticized her habit of approaching early dates like interviews—“gathering data instead of actually connecting.”
The essay also points to research suggesting that people with lower Emotional Intelligence may overestimate their communication abilities, in part because they miss social cues that would otherwise signal a disconnect. While the article is not presented as a clinical assessment, it offers an accessible checklist of behaviors that, in everyday settings, can erode trust and rapport.
The eight habits highlighted
1) Steering the conversation back to yourself
One of the most recognizable patterns is responding to someone else’s story with a quick pivot—“That reminds me of when I…”—followed by a personal anecdote. The author notes that this can be motivated by a desire to relate, but may land as competitive or dismissive. In the article’s framing, the emotionally attuned alternative is to ask follow-up questions and stay with the other person’s experience rather than shifting the spotlight.
2) Waiting to speak instead of listening
The essay describes “listening” that is actually silent preparation: mentally rehearsing a reply while the other person is still talking. The author argues that quick responses can be mistaken for intelligence or confidence, when they may reflect a focus on performance rather than understanding. Real listening, she writes, requires curiosity and a willingness to pause one’s own agenda.
3) Constantly offering unsolicited advice
Another habit is reflexive problem-solving when someone is venting. The author acknowledges that advice-giving often comes from care, but says it can communicate distrust in the other person’s ability to cope. It may also signal discomfort with difficult emotions—prompting a rush to “fix” the situation instead of simply being present.
4) Using your phone during a conversation
Even brief glances at a screen can change the tone of an interaction, the article argues. Beyond the social message—what’s on the phone matters more—the author points to research suggesting that merely having a phone visible can reduce perceived connection. Divided attention can also lead people to miss nonverbal cues such as facial expressions, nervous laughter, or shifts in posture.
5) Interrupting or talking over others
Interruptions are often justified as enthusiasm—“I’m just passionate”—but the essay frames chronic interruption as a sign of impatience and a prioritization of one’s own thoughts. The author notes that anxiety can also drive this behavior, with some people filling silence quickly to avoid awkwardness. Still, the impact on the other speaker can be the same: feeling cut off or undervalued.
6) Making everything about work or a single topic
The piece also flags one-note conversation: repeatedly steering discussions back to a familiar domain such as work, fitness, parenting, or politics. The author recounts being confronted by a friend who asked whether she had interests beyond work. In this framing, the issue isn’t expertise—it’s an inability to read the room and adapt to what others want to discuss.
7) Dismissing emotions with logic
Phrases like “You shouldn’t feel that way” or “Logically speaking…” are singled out as common ways people invalidate emotions while believing they’re being helpful. The essay argues that leading with logic in an emotional moment can signal discomfort with feelings—one’s own and others’. The recommended alternative is acknowledgement before analysis: treating emotions as experiences to be recognized rather than debated.
8) Never admitting you don’t know something
Finally, the author highlights the tendency to nod along rather than admit ignorance, especially in professional settings. Pretending to know can be a form of insecurity, the essay argues, and it blocks genuine learning and connection. By contrast, emotionally skilled communicators are portrayed as comfortable saying, “I don’t know—tell me more.”
Why the message is resonating
The essay’s popularity reflects a broader cultural tension: many workplaces reward assertiveness and speed, while relationships often require patience, empathy, and emotional accuracy. Several of the behaviors described—interrupting, rapid advice-giving, and constant self-referencing—can be interpreted as confidence in one setting and disregard in another.
Rather than treating Emotional Intelligence as fixed, the article argues it can be improved through small, deliberate changes. Suggested starting points include putting the phone away during conversations and asking one additional follow-up question before sharing a personal story.
What readers can take away
The author’s conclusion is straightforward: communication mastery is less about speaking well and more about creating space for others. The essay frames each conversation as practice—an opportunity to become more present, more curious, and more attuned to social cues that signal what people actually need in the moment.
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